


Hitting Rock Bottom

by suchitis



Category: Grey's Anatomy
Genre: Diary, F/M, Gen, monologues, planes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-17
Updated: 2014-05-17
Packaged: 2018-01-25 09:57:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 656
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1644638
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/suchitis/pseuds/suchitis
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>An entry from April's red notebook from when she was on the plane back to Moline.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hitting Rock Bottom

I'm on the plane back to Moline. Some would say its a good thing that I'm going back home. But not when I've worked all my life to leave I would reply. It's funny because the last entry in this diary is the day of the shooting. There's blood on the cover and tears on the pages where I write about Reed. 

I have time. And I'll write. Because I left my best friend, my job, my new family, everything I had known for the past five years behind. I'm leaving it. Or did I get kicked out? 

I had a plan, I was going to be a teacher. Then I became interested in science and I took premed in case I wanted to study to be a doctor. Then I thought I'd become a pediatrist. I found that I like cutting people open up more. Then I met Jackson and I thought that I would have a crush on him forever, but we became friends and I got over him. I thought I'd become a neurosurgeon, then my mentor got shot. Two of my friends died. I got involved with Alex and nearly lost my virginity because I couldn't see clearly. Doctor Bailey told me to take my 'maiden voyage' with a boy who loved me. Then I got drunk, punched a guy and took that trip with my best friend. Jesus was the only constant in my life through all this and I lost him too. Or I thought so. I must have because I failed my boards and lost myself to my best friend once again. I broke my promise. And that was wrong. But with Jackson it felt so right. I thought I had it worse than everyone else. My mentor, the person who told me what I should chose as a speciality, the person who gave me confidence to become a surgeon told me that he couldn't let me stay. I lost my job, my best friend, and all sense of self confidence I'd spent the last decade building.

Then a plane crashed. And suddenly my life seemed much better compared to my friends. I still remember praying to Jesus and begging for him to help them, because they needed his Grace far more than I did. I remember Jackson sitting next to me and maybe he was praying with me.

Lexie Grey died.

She was the third person whose funeral I had to attend before their time was up. She was going to become a great neurosurgeon. She was going to marry Mark Sloan and have beautiful babies. And then she just died. I have to hold on to the belief that everything happens for a reason and that God puts us in situations so we can come out stronger. I've lost everything and my relationship with Him was all that I have left. I have to hold on to it.

The plane is going to land soon. I will have to face my disappointed parents. They sent me to medical school with so many hopes and I ended all of them because I was distracted during my boards. How would I ever be able to repay them?

Looking back I only have one regret. Not telling Jackson about my faith. He deserved to know. We'd been through all that together and I could tell him only after I felt the guilt. He deserved better. He was kind, and took it slow. He didn't laugh when I pretended to know what I was doing even when I didn't. He guided my hands and my body and I felt safe. I felt safe even in that bathroom when we were just trying to get rid of our anxiety. How will I get over him?

We've reached the airport. I have to pack up and go. Hopefully this will be the last time I write in here. I have to move on.

**Author's Note:**

> I've really wanted to write a diary entry from April's POV for a long time so I wrote this. I'm not sure I got her tone down completely, so if you have any suggestions please tell me!
> 
> Hope you liked this, and if you want me to do any more diary entries


End file.
